Guiding Light

When the light deity was five years old, they were just a small body of heatless light, flickering in and out in the darkness. They were so delicate, so fragile that if they were not careful enough, they would extinguish into nothingness.

They also wore a small portion of an ocean on their shoulders, like a thin cloak that rippled against their body as second skin, moving in currents at random periods. They thought the cloak was their second skin at least, for the ocean cloak felt like a part of them just as the particles of light pulsating in their body.

Their mother was bigger and stronger, a raw power that lit the darkest corners of the universe with her radiating warmth alone. She wore a bigger portion of the ocean that draped on her shoulders. Unlike them, her one had fishes of various sizes and different colours swimming in it.

Sometimes, the fishes would even leap out of the cloak and glowed brighter than ever, hovering around her as if the air was just another stream of water, before diving back in and losing their luminescence but not their lustre.

Both of the deities were always surrounded in nothing but darkness, with only but themselves and the glowing fishes as their guiding lights.

Regardless, it was at this age their mother sat them down on their tiny boat, their home on the vast expanse of endless water.

She had patted them on the head as she told them that they were made out of thoughts, of protection. That they were made of stardust, trust, and spirits of the past and their destiny was to bring lost souls to peace by rowing them to their final destination in their special boat.

She told them that they also had the blessing of knowing.

When the tiny light deity asked her of knowing what, she leaned down and ruffled their hair, sending little sparks of light to tinkle. She then kissed their forehead and whispered that they knew one’s true needs. That it was a trait that very few deities in the world have, and even fewer knew how to harness and use for good. She told them that they were a special child, that they were the answer to sadness and to never forget what they can do.

At the time, they had no idea what she meant. It was still a rather far off and foreign concept. Even so, they were enamoured with the general idea behind it.

Her words stuck with them, but had been pushed back to the back of their mind when they couldn’t figure it out. They hadn’t want to bring attention to it when their mother always praised them for being so smart.

Then, when the light deity thought they became eight, they realized something. They became a bit embarrassed to realize they took so long to notice. They really should have had the cognizance to notice this kind of thing much earlier.

They had passed not eight but thousands of aeons. They had long since woken up to find their mother gone.

It was belated realization, but a sudden one nonetheless.

On hindsight, they thought they were faring well without their mother, even though they wished they knew where she disappeared. They were bigger and stronger than their five-year-old self was too, with their own set of fishes in their ocean cloak and hovering above them. The irony of seeing the fishes floating above the water made them giggle sometimes.

They also did what their mother had told them to do about the lost spirits, and they weren’t exactly alone either.

There were days when the usual dark, murky water would begin to glow and bubble beneath their boat. The first time it happened, they had capsized their boat in shock, which led to the discovery of their gift.

So whenever it happened, there would be a gnawing tug in their gut that they knew as a cry for help from somewhere; a plea from someone that need them. Their mother’s words would ring like wind chimes in their ear as they flip the boat and themselves over and after a brief moment of drowning, they would materialize onto unknown and otherworldly territory altogether.

The one that called them in the first place, who usually looked so strange, always gawked at them when they arrive. That someone would soon get over it though, when they introduce themselves and offer to help.

It’s a routine for them to answer the calls from the desperate. There was always something so gratifying about helping someone in need. They took pride in doing it as it made them feel good, alive even. It made them feel as if the blessing that their mother had spoken of was being used well.

Soon though, came a time when they had another belated realization. When someone needed help, asked nicely and wished very hard, they answered that someone. They were always loved for it, but then those people loved them for their resources to satisfy their needs.

The thought made them pause, but they didn’t try to dwell too much into it. After all, they were still loved weren’t they?

Yet, like a dam being open, they desired to be cared for, to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance with someone who are not after what they had or what they could provide. They longed for a safe place and wondered if the people who they had helped even missed them.

It was due to this curiosity that they decide to visit some of them despite not being called for. However, when they arrived, beaming and greeting with enthusiasm, they were puzzled to find that they were ignored.

They kept trying though, speaking louder but was met with silence. Frowning, they stepped right before the strange looking person before gasping in surprise when the person walked right through them, as if they were nothing.

Something akin to fear began to coil in their gut as they tried another place, then another and another, only to be met with the same result. None of the people whom they had helped prior could see them. It was as if they were forgotten, as if they didn’t exist.

Regardless, they were still called for help and they still replied because it meant that the strange people could still see them, even though it confused them as the same could not be said on some days. However, after a long time, they came to a third belated realization.

They could only be visible when someone needed them, but the moment the deed was done; they would disappear from their sights. It was as if they had become nothing but a figment of their imagination.

Something wedged in their throat, something was in their eyes and for the first time in aeons, they wondered where their mother was and why she never mentioned that they had the gift in giving what someone needed, but never being wanted in return.